Well I have hit my record of good days since who knows when which is so exciting. I will never take advantage of playing with my girls and having dance parties and chasing them. At least I pray that won’t become a normal to me as I prayed to God when leaving south Africa 6 years ago to never let me forget the faces, the smells, the beauty, the pain as long as I live. Having these good days gives me so much energy that billy has to keep on a leash…I want to go run to the ends of the earth and do this and help with that and become involved with this. However, this year is dedicated to us, to have our family back and to really take hold of the precious gifts of each day and not to busy ourselves with all the craziness this world offers. I am talking as if I will only get better and not fall back into a Lyme episode if you will. Many people go into remission so as I said ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I went to the grocery story with both girls this week, something I hadn’t done in a long time and felt like a new women, in a new grocery store but with my kids…it was a very strange sense almost as if trying to find a new identity in myself. I forgot what it feels like to feel good and normal. So I will take it. I haven’t updated my blog in a few weeks for several reasons.
1. I have been busy…grocery shopping, going to my cousin Laura’s wedding in Illinois and cleaning my house! (not watching Billy or my mom do it for once) So if I come over and start cleaning your house just let me even if it is clean!
2. We went to an infectious disease Dr. Through our insurance and for once in 2 years they listened and tried to understand and wanted to help. She ran more tests, was very intrigued by my health and my history…you could see her head spinning almost like I am one of those patients you read about in med school but never actually get one…well here I am honey! And I loved her! She truly cared and wants to help, didn’t turn an eye, didn’t tell me that I didn’t have chronic lyme disease because it doesn’t exist, she listened and has been pro-active in helping us. So we are grateful! Still searching and waiting for some more answers.
3. We have been praying about what direction we need to take next. Again, Lyme is so individualized that I just spoke with a classmate of mine from Taylor who has it and his family has all responded differently do treatments. Which is what makes having this disease so hard because what works for someone might or might NOT work for me. So what do you try, what do you not try? It is a whirlwind!
4. I got my sauna! I actaully just got out of it and love love love it! So refreshing for me! SO SO SO nice to not have to call somewhere, schedule an appointment, make sure Billy or someone can keep the girls and drive 40 minutes to go! Oh, I love it!
Since I have been feeling better I have had a new excitement for almost like “starting over” with Billy, our girls, cooking, family traditions, nightly rituals, etc. Almost like I am back in my own body…and that is where Billy is like Ann, hold on and don’t just hop on the horse and start sprinting but get to know your horse, sit on her, walk and trot…take care of the small things first and remember, its one day at a time still! We aren’t out of the woods yet! Which is so true, but I am just having a little excitement….
I am excited to start cooking and baking again for my family. I am excited to start working out again and taking walks. I am excited to run around outside chasing my girls and rolling down hills with them and laughing so hard our belly’s hurt. I am excited to celebrate life in good or bad days! I just have felt so trapped for so long that I am full force. (yet with a cautious flag in my hand) So, here are my goals for myself during this “feeling good” time –
-To enjoy cooking and cleaning for my family and this beautiful home God has given us.
-To focus on getting my immune system back to strong – eating what I need to eat, exercising like I need to exercise, staying as stress free as possible.
-To still wake up asking God to fill me with His Joy and His Strength (you know it is crazy when you feel good it is so much harder to depend on Him, because you don’t need Him as much)
-To make my health and my family #1 priority. Sorry if this sounds selfish to some but I can’t do much or help others until I myself am healthy and able. So if I say no, or don’t get involved in something you would like me to do that is most likely why…I want to do more, much more soon but have to take care of myself to ultimately be at a place to step out and help others. (this is going to be very hard for me)
-To sit at the dining room table for our meals again! It has been so long since we have done this regularly due to me being on the couch, no energy, or just easier to sit at the breakfast bar. I have missed having the fun memories you have at a dining room table. So I am excited even for this!
I know this blog sounds like I am free of Lyme and cured, yet we have no clue if I am…but today I am flying high! Soaring above this sickness that has had me down for way too long and embracing this day of feeling good! I hope tomorrow and the rest of my life is like this but know that regardless God is soaring with me whether in a deep valley or high above the mountains.
Okay, again I have gone on and on and can’t even remember what I wrote at the beginning as I have rambled all over the place! But thank you for your constant love and prayers!
Many blessings to you all, Ann Richelle